


Bucky Doesn't Love Kate

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Loves Kate, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Protective Kate Bishop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 11:57:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4665699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of Steve Rogers, Bucky confides in Kate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky Doesn't Love Kate

She understood. He never saw it in her before; the pain, the sadness, the longing for life she couldn't have. It was so masked underneath her natural glow and confidence. She was raised to hide her flaws, to bury them deep for no one to see. He saw it once before, the day he met her. Steve and Sam brought him to her father's huge Manhattan home while he was gone. She opened the door and smiled at the sight of Steve, but her expression melted into something else when she saw Bucky. But she still opened the door and smiled at him. He thought she was beautiful from a far, long dark hair and bangs that met perfectly sculpted brows that showcased an ocean of big blue eyes with long lashes. Up close she was different, still beautiful but maybe even more. She had scars, barely visible beneath makeup. Purple bags under her eyes from lack of sleep which was something makeup couldn't cover. She wasn't afraid of him. She looked at him like one looks at an old friend. She smiled and it broke his heart, he didn't deserve a smile from her. This girl that Steve loved like a daughter, the daughter he'd never have. And she loved him, the man she wished was her father, but would never be. The man that would be taken away from her just like her best friend. 

She never walked on eggshells around Bucky. She was blunt yet loving. She made him laugh. For the first time since god knows when, Bucky Barnes laughed. Steve looked up and smiled too, happy to see his best friend happy. Sam Wilson also smiled, he had warned Bucky he'd love her.  _It's hard not to._ He was right. But he couldn't. Not him. Not this girl. She cried when Steve told her about the war, she fought when he told her to hide. The only family she really had anymore was at war with each other over something she couldn't understand. But her tears weren't for her alone, they were for Bucky. 

When Steve was killed, he was the first person he called. He knew she'd understand, he knew she would help him... and he had only met her once. She was there when he woke up the next morning. She looked broken, for the first time he saw the flaws she hid so well. She didn't saw anything, she just crawled into the bed next to him and laid her head on his chest. He wanted to hold her, to cry into hair and wake up with her still there and Steve back. But he woke up with her, and the hope that he'd eventually be okay. 

She spent almost every day with him, showing him music and movies he'd missed out on. She played the cello for him on a rainy night and kissed his forehead when he fell asleep. He felt like he was using her, he wished he could do something to thank her. But he was afraid. He was afraid to fall in love with her, he was afraid she'd fall in love with him. He killed everything he loved. Not intentionally and not directly, but he lost everyone. He couldn't lose her. 

Some nights they stayed up and slept through most of the day, those were the nights she'd bring him up to the roof and count stars and show him constellations and make up stories of how they interacted to make him laugh. He told stories for her, not of constellations but of things he remembered from his past. She told him things she knew of him too, he wished he could be that Bucky again for her. He wanted to pick her up and spin her around, kiss her under the stars, whisper promises he'd never keep... but for her, he'd keep every last one. But he didn't love her. 

He caught her singing an old forties song one morning while she waited for her coffee to brew. She was adamant she couldn't sing, that she could only play the cello. Bucky thought she sounded better than all of the artists he'd heard on the radio. He was familiar with the song and sang with her. She turned around and smiled, singing in perfect harmony with him. He didn't love her. She didn't love him. She poured him a mug and raised her own for a clink. They stood in silence and drank their coffee. He didn't love her when he scrambled eggs for her while she jumped at the toast popping out of the toaster. He didn't love her when she laughed so hard, orange juice nearly came out of her nose. And he knew she didn't love him, even when he helped her wash the dishes as she dried them.

He didn't love her when he saw he training, pulling the bowstring back and loosing the arrow that hit the bulls-eye each time, he didn't love her when she threw the knives with perfect precision or the way she punched and kicked the bag. He didn't love her when he taught her how to shoot a gun " _properly"._ He didn't love her when she shot a hole in the middle of the bulls-eye the first time she fired the gun. No, really. It actually pissed him off. He damned her eyes and fought the urge to kiss her. He didn't love her, but she was his friend. 

He might've loved her when she ran to his room one night after hearing him scream. She held his arms down and whispered that it was alright and he was calm when she whispered she was there. He should've loved her when she stayed in his bed that night, holding him tight and not letting go once. But he wouldn't let himself. 

"Kate?" he whispered that next afternoon when he woke up without her arms wrapped around him. 

"Yeah, Bucky?" her hair was wrapped in a towel and she had a toothbrush in her mouth. 

"You look nice." he tried to smile. 

She shook her hair out of the towel and threw it down the hall. She spit her toothpaste in the bathroom sink and came back to him to pull him out of bed. "We're doing something today."

"We do something every day." he knit his eyebrows together. 

"No, I mean we're going out and doing something fun." she smiled at him. 

"Ice cream the day before yesterday was fun." he sat back down on the bed. 

"Yes but so is trying new things." she said as she ran her fingers through his long hair. 

"Absolutely not." he scowled. 

She sat on his lap and pouted. He scowled at her harder. She sighed and pushed him down on the bed and walked away. He sat up and thought about chasing after her, but didn't. He didn't love her. But he gave in and found her trimming her bangs in the bathroom mirror. 

"Fine, just... don't fuck it up." he sat on the edge of the bathtub waiting for her. 

She snorted, "I didn't think that would work."

"What would work?" he asked her. 

"Practically seducing you for a haircut, it was kinda low of me but it worked. I'd rather do it at home instead, barber shops weird me out." she smirked, he could feel her smirk even though he wasn't looking at her or touching her. 

"I'm only allowing you to do this so you don't sit on my lap and make that stupid face again." he growled. 

She wiped the hair off of him so fast he didn't believe she was done until he heard her walk out the door. He got out of the tub and observed all the hair in there. He looked in the mirror and saw the old Bucky. The Bucky who shaved without Kate pestering him about it, which she hadn't done in two weeks. He grabbed the shaving cream and started to shave the hair that was shadowing his face. He brushed his hair back and brushed his teeth. When he walked out the door, Kate was gone. And he really didn't love her then. 

When she came back, she sat on his lap and slapped him, but not hard. "You look good, James Buchanan Barnes." she growled. 

"Good enough to slap again?" he asked raising an eyebrow. 

"What the hell does that mean?" she laughed but then slapped him again on the other cheek. 

He tickled her ribs and dodged her fists. She escaped long enough to pin him down, and he let her. 

"Why'd you leave?" he asked her, panting. 

"You missed me?" she asked him. 

"Answer me first." he squirmed. 

"I really did feel bad for doing that, the lap trick. But we also needed orange juice so really, I left you because of that." she smirked. "Your turn."

"I missed the orange juice." he deadpanned. 

She got off of him and he stayed on the floor, watching her walk over to the kitchen and pour orange juice only to drink it right in front of him. He got up and and pouted at her, holding her close to him. She rolled her eyes and pushed past him to sit on the couch again. He didn't love her. 

He cooked them chicken on the stove and poured her some wine. She came to the dinner table and ate the chicken and drank her wine and then some. He didn't love her when she climbed on a chair to get the whiskey and drank it from the bottle. He drank with her and didn't love her when he kissed her, and she didn't love him when she kissed him back. He carried her to her bed and helped her undress, like a good friend. 

"Why don't we ever sleep in  _my_ bed?" she hiccuped. 

"Because it smells like flowers, and you smell like flowers enough already. I'm not smelling like a flower." he laughed. 

"I smell like flowers?" she asked, surprised.

He pulled her shirt off and smelled her neck. "You smell like booze and lilacs." 

"You smell like booze and anger." she slurred. 

"What the fuck does that mean?" he laughed again. 

"I don't know, but I've grown fond of it." she smiled goofy. "Remember when we kissed?"

"No." he lied, sobering up. 

"Liar." she sang. "I've never kissed you on the lips until then, you're a good kisser. I like the way you kiss me, it's hot." she yawned, unhooking her bra. 

Bucky threw a pajama shirt at her and looked away. He didn't love her. He didn't love her. "Are you decent?"

She was asleep. Bucky sighed and pulled her comforter to her chin and kissed her forehead. He didn't love her. 

He sat in the shower, with the water on cold and the whiskey in his hand. He didn't love her. He hated her, oh god did he hate her. He turned the water off and crawled in his own bed and slept with the bottle and didn't dream of Kate because he didn't love her. 

"I feel like shit." she moaned the next morning. 

"You look like it too." he moaned back. 

"At least I've got a shirt on." she muttered. 

He poured himself another cup of coffee, "That kiss didn't mean anything, right?"

"What kiss?" she winked. 

He smiled and didn't love her. He left to take a real shower and when he came back he saw her waiting for him on his bed. 

"Today we do something." she crossed her arms. 

"Are you trying to seduce me again?" he grabbed clothes and walked back to the bathroom to dress. When he came back she was still on his bed. 

"Yes." she smiled. 

"You're not doing it right." he said challenging her. 

"What am I supposed to do? Shoot a pillow sexily or something?" she asked as she flopped down on the bed. 

He flopped on the bed next to her and took her hand. "You scare me, Katherine."

She squeezed his hand and said, "Do I?"

"Yes, you do. I wish I could scare you sometimes." he whispered. 

She let go and looked over at him. "Like Winter Soldier scare me? Glare at me until I go numb?" 

"Yes, actually." he closed his eyes. 

"That scares me." she whispered.

His eyes shot open. "What?" 

"Them taking you away and controlling you, bringing the soldier back. That scares the hell out of me, Bucky." she said with ice in her voice. 

He felt like crying, but he didn't. He kissed her softly, his fingers lightly touching her face. "I didn't realize that." 

"I haven't spent the past three months over here with you just for fun. I'm here because I want to protect you and make you happy." she pushed him away. 

"Kate..." he began to say but couldn't finish. 

"You don't have to say it, you've shown me a million times. I know you do." she got up and she left the room. 

He found her on the roof, watching the sun set. She was beautiful and brave and she loved him. 

"Here to kiss me and make it all better?" she asked sarcastically. 

He walked over and sat down next to her. "I don't deserve your love." 

She leaned her head against his body and sighed, "I don't love you."

He picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom. She pulled his shirt off and he pulled hers off. She kissed his neck and he laid her down on the bed, kissing her from her lips to her belly. She pulled him down and straddled him, kissing him until they both ran of air. He ran his hands from her chest to her ass and stopped. 

"I'm not going to be the dick that says he loves you when he's having sex. I owe you more than that." he groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. 

"Romantic." she said sarcastically. 

"I love you." he said. 

"No you don't." she said as she unbuttoned his jeans. 

"I love you." he scowled. 

"Nope." she bit her lip. 

"Katherine Bishop. I. Love. You." he said slowly.

"I love you too." she said as she dragged his hands back to her body. 

 


End file.
